The Ultimate Ranking of Taco Bell Menu Items, Based on How Drunk You Are

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The Ultimate Ranking of Taco Bell Menu Items, Based on How Drunk You Are

Originally appeared on spoonuniversity.com

So it wasn’t your best night. You may have slammed back a few too many mystery shots, had an emotional breakdown in the bathroom with a complete stranger, and called your ex too many times — we’ve all been there. But Taco Bell is always there to save the night. Here are all the Taco Bell items you'll probably eat this weekend, ranked from a little tipsy to where are my shoes?

The Ultimate Ranking of Taco Bell Menu Items, Based on How Drunk You Are

 

The Ultimate Ranking of Taco Bell Menu Items, Based on How Drunk You Are


This menu item is a boat full of Mexican love. It's packed with ground beef, lettuce, tomatoes, sour cream, shredded cheese AND nacho cheese. After a night out, you'll really think this thing is a culinary masterpiece.

 

The Ultimate Ranking of Taco Bell Menu Items, Based on How Drunk You Are

This tongue-twister might be a little hard to spit out after a few drinks, but don't worry, they'll get the gist. And if not, chances are you'll still probably get some sort of burrito covered in nacho cheese because Taco Bell gets sh*t done. 

 

The Ultimate Ranking of Taco Bell Menu Items, Based on How Drunk You Are

The first time I tried a Mexican Pizza was at 2 in the morning, thoroughly wasted. Let me just say, that was the definition of a foodgasm. The Mexican Pizza is the perfect menu pick when you wanted to order Dominos, but your crew drug you to Taco Bell.

The Ultimate Ranking of Taco Bell Menu Items, Based on How Drunk You Are

Your false eyelash is falling off and you can’t remember where you put your phone, but you know for damn sure you’re getting that Quesarito. The hardest decision you’ll have to make is if you want chicken, ground beef or steak. But just sayin’, the ground beef always goes hard.

The Ultimate Ranking of Taco Bell Menu Items, Based on How Drunk You Are

"Crunchwrap Supreme." You’ll want to remember those two words even when you can barely remember which bar you were at. Forget all those hangover regimens, this one will do the trick. Calories don't count when you're inebriated, right? 


The Ultimate Ranking of Taco Bell Menu Items, Based on How Drunk You Are

There’s that level of drunk where you just can’t even fathom stopping to eat to wipe your mouth with a napkin, and that’s where the quesadilla 2.0 comes in. Still drunkenly delicious, but you don’t have to worry about queso or ground beef spilling out and getting all over that fabulous outfit you wore out.

The Ultimate Ranking of Taco Bell Menu Items, Based on How Drunk You Are

I'm starting to see a trend — the cheesier, the better. Literally anything covered in nacho cheese at 2 am would be delicious, but Taco Bell's nachos are on another level.

#SpoonTip: Don't fret if you spent all your money on alcohol and regrets, these babies are on the dollar cravings menu.

The Ultimate Ranking of Taco Bell Menu Items, Based on How Drunk You Are

Upgrade your tots, and by upgrade, I mean smother them with nacho cheese, bacon, and sour cream. Chances are, you've made some bad decisions in the past, so make a good one and order these.

The Ultimate Ranking of Taco Bell Menu Items, Based on How Drunk You Are


If you're drunk enough to order a side of Cinnabon Delights to go with your main course, you've had a successful night my friend.

Whether your trusted DD is dragging you into Taco Bell or your annoyed Lyft driver is hauling through the drive thru praying for that 20 percent tip, you have no worries in the world — you just want your Taco Bell drunchies.

 

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